On Visibility

I have an idea. Something I believe in and I want to take out into the world.

In previous blog post Connection, I started to articulate it:

And what I want? What I seek and quest for and hope for? More and better connected conversations in work-spaces. Time to talk. Use of dialogue techniques, coaching conversations, facilitated team discussions, café conversations, action learning opportunities…. All those great things where we invite people to speak up and out – where the invitation is to connect.

So I have this want… and an idea on how to fulfill that… The idea is not original, per-say –grounded in work pioneered by mentor/ friend Amanda Ridings through her Pause for Breath journey….configuring work by Nancy Kline and David Kantor.. it will include Gestalt methodologies, because I think they are useful and accessible. In my head, it’s a beautiful patchwork of models and experimental spaces inbetween for people to play with they way they talk and interact both in and out of work…

And I love this idea…. And I want to bring it into the world…..It’s called Exploring Dialogue – it’s kind of space to explore and experiment with how we interact with each other – slow time to build connections and really understand what happens to us physically, cognitively and emotionally in conversations.

For the past 2 weeks I’ve been mapping this idea. If I’m being honest, it has been languidly mooching around my brain for… I don’t know… months maybe… In my head, it’s been kind of hanging out in silk-pyjamas, eating Turkish delight , looking fabulous but with no real purpose or ambition… beautiful and fantastical.

Now I want it to get dressed, go out and earn it’s place in the world…but an idea can’t speak.. I have to do that for it… and this feels edgy.

Because for me to speak up and out, means visibility. To bring this idea into 3D  world opens the possibility that my beautiful idea is flawed… or perhaps I’m foolish…perhaps this notion is folly… Oh God. What if I’m unintelligible? and Then… what if someone steals my beautiful idea? Or trashes it?  Perhaps I’d be better keeping quiet?

James Ramsay’s recent blog on: Sharing…Have you met my baby? Resonated strongly with the concern about putting your stuff “out there”.

I remember my massive trepidation when I first blogged.. knowing I wanted to write… not knowing how that would be.. trying to control… relinquishing control in the end and just posting something that meant something to me… the terror I felt and the gratefulness to the warm twitter presence of Niall Gavin( @niallgavinuk) for cheering me into the blogosphere.

I’m reading Brene Brown’s new book : Daring Greatly.  This morning I read The start of Chapter 4 and put the book down with a quiet “Yes.”

“..as adults we realize that to live with courage, purpose and connection – to be the person whom we long to be – we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armour, put down the weapons, show up and let ourselves be seen”

I want to show up and be seen as someone who supports better, more skilled conversations. I want to create a safe –yet-experimental spaces to work in slow time on dialogue and connection. I want fuchsiablue to be associated with something authentic, meaningful, purposeful, useful (no hanging about in pyjamas, looking lovely –we have work to do). I want that and it scares me a lot – to say it and to want it.. because it could go horribly wrong.

In the last 2 weeks I have spoken quietly to a number of people about my idea… showing up slowly.  My infinite thanks to David Goddin (@ChangeContinuum)  for 4 words, posed on 12th September at the end of a tweet : How can I help? In the time & space in-between, he has shown himself to be simply awesome.

So I have this idea…and it feels right to bring it into the world not with vast fanfares and taster sessions advertised on Linkedin… not to mail drop hundreds of people or rely on a pretty flyer where I can’t seem to articulate myself on 1 page. It feels right to show up here, on the blog, where I’ve been working to show up since April.

My aim is to run “something” on 6th December in London for a half day. And “something similar” in Edinburgh on 7th December… It’s fairly formed in my head, but I’m feeling my way into this visible space.

If you’d like to know more about Exploring Dialogue as an idea, please comment here or email me: info@fuchsiablue.com.

ps: My deepest thanks also to Martin Harvey for time, good challenge, encouragement and wisdom.. and all for the price of an Americano… 

The Manic and the Mellow

Until last year, I never really thought about creative energy.

If I woke up at 3 am, with ideas whirling around my head, I believed myself to be stressed, out-of-control, that sort of thing. There would then follow much duvet-battling and inevitably, I’d try deep breaths & clearing my mind of busy-ness.  After at least an hour of this messing around I might eventually get back to sleep & wake feeling knackered, beleaguered, fatigued. To me, it was destructive – never generative.

At some point, toward the end of last year, I gave up fighting.

If I woke up and all the world was circling around me – tasks, notions, plans, past, schemes, guilt, niggles whatever – I started getting up and taking them for a cup of tea.

I’d wrap myself up in a soft patchwork quilt, take myself up to my desk-and-thinking-space at FBHQ, switch on the heater, sip my tea and say “Right then. What IS it?” (usually with a good chunk of attitude – I figure the least I can do is let the demons know I am unimpressed by their 3 arrival. Hey –  I’m not a push over)

And stuff would come up and come out – I’d start to sift through what was important, what was not. What needed to be said, what needed to be dealt with…  Often I would write, sometimes I’d draw and map, sometimes I’d stare into space in a vaguely disturbing manner….then stuff would crystalise a little, I’d get sleepy & then I’d rest deeply.

It sort of links to the Rumi poem a few blogs back – Welcoming the crazy as it sweeps through your head; trusting that sometimes stuff comes up- not to push you down, but to push you forward… if it’s there – if it’s going nowhere.. well, surely it’s asking (demanding?) to be dealt with. .. what if it’s there for good-not-harm?

Over the last week, I’ve had four nights bringing in the wee small hours, clasping a cuppa and asking “Right then, WHAT?” in a seriously chippy fashion. Turns out I have an idea which wants some full-on 3D form in the world… It is demanding my attention and even though I have begged it to bugger off  “Dude, seriously. You’re making me look like a bag lady”  this idea is bigger than me – it needs to be heard.

I told one friend I’d been riding the 4am bleary bus to Resolutions-ville & she said “oh.. I love it when that happens. It’s creative. ” Another two friends are now worried about my stress levels and pointing me to meditation & Bach Rescue Remedy.. or wine…  It kind of makes me not want to ‘fess up my manic to them- they will worry about me… think me strange….

My confession is this. I kind of like 4am. It’s quiet and spacious and precious. If that makes me manic, then I can live with that. I believe it also makes me mellow.

The photo is of the beech tree  on the little hillock I pause under every morning on the dog-walk. If I’m ever manic – this is the where I start to mellow my day.