This topic came from Alison Monkhouse, who I know through the Shindig and some really good conversations.
What if things got simpler?
If the preparing of a piece of toast
was a work of art.
If the bread was sawn with a beloved bread knife,
handle familiar and weighty,
and the noise of steel-on-crust,
the feel of the vibration of knife-teeth as they bit,
was a pleasure?
What if the smell of the fresh-cut slice
and the mouth watering reaction to the glory of it
was gratifying enough to make you sigh?
What if the toaster was a contained furnace,
a miracle of engineering and research and design
a machine of fiery transformation to be revered?
What if the ready Pop
was better than any champagne cork
and the searing touch of freshly-charred bread,
pulled from the furnace, delivered to the plate,
reminded us of how much heat we can take
if we know there’s reward.
Note from J:
I stopped. Poetry is HARD and I think I’m trying too hard.. attempting to be clever and overly- contriving something. It started as fun to write – some sort of crazy over-blown ode. But then the line it opened with “what if things got simpler?” suddenly didn’t seem to hold any more…and I sort of lost faith….
I wanted to do stuff about toppings and butter – frankly some of that sounded rude – and it’s been… Of everything I’ve written in the past 5 days – this was the one I fidgeted and fiddled with most. It’s the one that feels like I’m defeated.
I don’t dislike it, horribly..and I have as I promised I would written with heart and what I can muster…but it’s feeling clunky and awkward. It needs to be done, for now.
Also – I chose & created the images before I’ve written the stuff – and the image is a proper “what if..” road-less-travelled type image.. whereas the “poem” is tiny minutiae…
So… I’ve stopped. I could be here until midnight trying to make it better or “right” or I could call it, stop now and get back on the horse tomorrow, a bit saddle sore, but more refreshed.
Yes. That’s my choice, for today
5 thoughts on “What If? -#21daysofWriting – Day 5”
Most poets would never put out a first (or only slightly revised) draft, so don’t be hard on yourself! I like it and it’s an interesting and clever image. If you think it needs a polish up for your first poetry collection, that’s your prerogative, but I wouldn’t call it clunky and awkward.
I suspect poetry isn’t going to be my jam….
Like fiction…a move outwith your comfort zone….I am proud of you, and inspired that you were brave enough to step over the edge…..what if you hadnt?
Julie it really brightened my day to read your verse. Don’t worry what others think or even your inner critic: the key thing with poetry is to write something daily. Even a haiku. Loving your shares. Take care / Julian
Ooh! I might try a haiku … that would be a challenge…
I love what you said on Twitter about poetry saving your life. This stuff matters x