Monday Mullings

It’s a rainy Monday morning more than half way through the year – I’m wrapped up in a huge jumper, which has been in fairly non-stop use since last October (Yes. It has been washed a few times, thank you.)  I’m grappling with new technology (WebEx) which I know I will get my head round, but I have a strong sense of losing the one-woman-experiential-learner-vs-cheery-American-reassuring-tutorial battle…. Alarmingly, the urge to bang my head softly off my desk is proving quite strong, right now…. Hell, I even actually muttered “grrrrrrrr” at the screen a few minutes ago.

So it’s Monday and I’m cross and I’m fighting… well, myself, mostly.

So here’s the plan. I blog it out – State the fact that I’m bored and restless and feeling a bit dumb and sometimes this Consulting malarkey is lonely.

Hang on. Why do I feel I’m saying the unsayable?

Twitter today (everyday?) is full of people telling me to cheer up, be positive, focus on what good outcomes I want…. and I’m kind of torn.  On the one hand, accentuating the positive sounds like a no-brainer; of course it’s a good thing to do.  No one wants to be within a country mile of Consultant Cross with her Monday Morning Gloominess.  Of course if I dwell on the rain and the fact that I don’t trust Mr Webex’s cheery assurances that the technology will work “effectively”, I’m going to get myself into a funk.

Best avoid that funk, surely and dwell on: “well, at least the reservoirs are filling” or “New learning opportunity – how cool it will be when you’re up and running”.

Or is it?

I mean Really?….Really?

Because on the other hand, surely I need to work with what is real for me?  Surely the only way I can truly know cheer, positive-ness, connection and what a good outcome may be, is by also knowing how I experience gloom, negativity, loneliness and really bollixing things up? If I deny my restlessness, my feeling isolated, my cross-ness; if I “turn that frown upside down” – then what?   Surely I’m closing off some pretty important information?

So if I pay attention to my Inner Grump, this is what it is trying to tell me:  My body today is screaming for sunshine, exercise and social interaction with folk who get me & will (mostly) either sit with my grumpiness, (AKA not onslaught me with “cheer up”) or who will gently laugh at the Grumpy thereby reminding me that I have an actual sense-of-humour I can call on if I’m feeling under-resourced.

My Inner Grump is not advocating I battle with Webex. It’s saying “sort yourself out first and unconvincing tutorials will be a breeze to handle”

I live in Scotland and it’s July – so sunshine is negotiable. But I can get out from my desk and run in the fresh air & allow my restlessness to take me further and go harder than I might do if I were happily pootling along. I can pick up the phone and get connected back to my life. I can make positive choices…. that doesn’t mean I’m going to be Little Miss Sunshine today.

Today, I  might just be grumpy and sit with that – allow it to fuel me in different ways to my joy. I might just fess up to being lonely and allow that to springboard me back towards actual people.

I’m celebrating my cross-ness today. It will serve fuchsia blue & I well.

5 thoughts on “Monday Mullings

    • Thanks Sukh – I love your post – feeling very connected to the sentiment. I know a little about positive psychology – want to know more…There is a restless energy for me that goes with this sense of crossness – it serves me well, sometimes, moves things on, gets stuff done…and it can also make me rash, so have to kind of hang out with what comes, I guess… which takes practice. Anyway, loving your blog & will follow. cheers again J

  1. Lovely post – isn’t it curious how a “bad mood” is seen negatively rather than as a natural albeit temporary state. Perhaps if we “let it be” it#s progression will help create change and even new insight. Something there for all of us to think of especially in workplace.

    BTW I have similar feelings about “Eat That Frog”… some days we need to procrastinate, some days we need to prepare and some days we need to get on and do it. Each has it’s purpose, effect and curious enjoyment!

    • Eat That Frog? I’m not sure I understand. There’s something interesting with others’ reaction to negative emotion – as a facilitator/ coach I see part of my job is to “wait out” a lot of emotion in a room. Not tackle it. Not soothe it. Just work with it/ alongside it… see where it takes us. I see real discomfort in team members if someone starts to express doubt, fear, anger -and yet this is precisely where the “create change” and “new insights” happen – beautiful/scary – at the point of doubt, of challenge…not when everyone is agreeing, happy and in the groove. I know this is all pretty well known – comfort zones & discomfort zones & all that – but there is something about how we (I) manage and look after myself in the midst of holding the emotion…. and today I recognise I’m cross – so how can I / do I work with that, rather than let it derail me?
      Thanks for RT btw – I always feel very encouraged when others push my stuff out.

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